(720): I told him “thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. ” He is no longer speaking to me.
(678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
(509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You’re welcome mystey man.
(402): he was grinding on you and dedicated the song “I’m in Love With a Stripper” to you then started taking his own clothes off
(901): I’m using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I’m the queen of irony.
AWWW THANKS. WE PROMISE TO POST MORE SINCE YOU ALL ARE SUCH GREAT FOLLOWERS. CAPSLOCKS.
(also lol I was so thrown off because I actually follow you)
(613): Apparently I whispered “Jesus was here” and bailed out of the moving taxi.
(856): My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
(937): I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay